I slept well after the 2 emotional days prior. I did not wake to pump and allowed myself to have a full night's sleep. It meant feeling much more rested in the morning. I also realized that I started to believe my son was going to be okay; we were all going to get through this. I did my usual morning routine- pump, breakfast, shower, and then was off to the hospital.
I checked my son's chart upon arrival as usual, and noticed that he had another weight loss. This concerned me but when I looked closer at my baby I realized that his IV had been removed. I found his nurse and inquired and sure enough he was now receiving enough fluids from his feeds that he no longer required an IV. I was also now pumping much more than my son was eating so began freezing my breast milk.
Since arriving at this second NICU, there had been two other babies on the more intensive side where our son was placed. One was in an incubator, the other in a cot. I had yet to see any family visit the little girl beside us, who had some personal blankets around her incubator and a name printed on the outside. I later learned that the blankets had come from the hospital, and the crafted name had been made by one of the night nurses. I overheard a couple of the nurses talking about how the parents never came in, but they had one or two other children at home so maybe they were too busy. This made me feel very sad. The little girl often cried out and wiggled around her incubator, but received no attention in return unless she carried on for some time. According to her whiteboard she had been born at a younger gestational age than my son, but was currently a week or two older than him.
The other baby was in a cot against the far wall, a little ways away from the two in the incubators. There had been a lot of activity around this baby as the young mom had told me in the pump room that social services were involved. Apparently there were concerns about her boyfriend, the father, who had been violent in the past. The young mom insisted that these were false accusations, but the investigation meant that he would be placed in foster care upon discharge. So at pretty much all times the baby had one of his parents or the foster mom there holding, changing, and feeding him. The mom had told me that she was kind of sad that her son was doing so well as the longer he was in hospital, the better the chance that they would be able to take him home as it would give enough time for the investigation to run its course. She was also concerned that once he was placed they wouldn't have the same access to him as they did in the NICU.
Only a couple of days after this conversation with her, he was being prepared for discharge to the foster home. That morning there was the pediatrician, the hospital social worker, the community social worker, the foster mom, and the young parents all surrounding the baby's little area. I heard the mom ask if she could visit her baby at the foster home that afternoon but the community social worker told her it would be a bad idea as he needed to settle and adjust to his new home. I could see the young mom fighting back tears as the foster mom put her baby into a car seat, received follow-up instructions from the pediatrician, and left with their baby. I tried smiling when she walked past me but she held an empty stare.
It was always hard to see another baby go home; especially when it seemed like my baby had so far to go still. But then again, this case presented far from ideal circumstances, so there were a lot of mixed feelings. I think it was also hard in this situation because it meant feeling lonely again- at least I had the young mom to talk to on occasion. After they left it was back to beeping machines and nurses wandering around from time to time.
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