'Where is your Baby?'

One of the most difficult parts to handle while being out in the community when my baby was in the NICU was being asked 'where is your baby?' The first time this happened was the day after I was discharged from the hospital. We were still in this other city so were trying to get the minimal things we needed. One of these included a couple of nursing bras since we didn't know how long we would be there and I was pumping every 3 hours around the clock. We were directed by hospital staff to a nearby mall and found a maternity store. I tried on many, and was able to find a couple that fit, not believing how much bigger they were than my pre-pregnancy bras. As I went up to the counter to pay, the woman asked me when I was due. I told her I had just had my baby and she looked at me as though I was crazy and asked 'well where is your baby?' I struggled to hold back tears before explaining that he came early and was in the hospital. That ended the conversation and we finished the transaction in silence. As soon as I stepped outside I broke down, feeling completely heartbroken.

The second time this happened was that night when we went out for a quick dinner. It was mentioned to the server that we had just had a baby and again I was given an accusatory stare and asked 'well where were they?' This time I didn't even explain, I just started crying and went to hide in the washroom. It was explained to the server the situation while I was gone and when I came back to the table briefly before asking to leave, the server apologized awkwardly. From that moment on, until my baby was discharged several weeks later from the hospital, I barely went out in public. Even going to the baby stores in order to get the supplies we didn't yet have was hard when surrounded by little people and always asked at the counter if I needed a gift receipt on everything. In my head I couldn't help but think that it was because I didn't have a baby with me, so it was assumed I must not be a parent.