After parking I made my way through the narrow hospital halls and up to the NICU. I washed my hands with soap and water for the 15-30 seconds I was supposed to prior to entering the specialized unit. I then beelined it to my baby, anxious to make sure he was alright. I stared into the incubator and was happy to see that everything looked okay. The vitals machine wasn't beeping- another good sign. I then looked through his chart next to his station and saw that he had lost more weight after the transfer. This had been expected but was still hard as it just seemed that much longer that he would need to be in there. I pulled up a chair and sat watching my little guy.
A nurse appeared a few minutes later to introduce herself and say that she would be taking care of my baby for the next couple of day shifts. She was an older nurse and seemed okay, but not overly warm towards me. I asked her how he was doing and whether the pediatrician had been in but she didn't really have any answers. She thought the pediatrician would probably be in shortly to talk to me.
I sat and watched my little guy breathe for sometime before I went to pump. Shortly after I returned the pediatrician came by and told me that although he had taken a bit of a step back from the transfer, he was still doing really well and they had no real concerns at this time. He still had jaundice so would need to continue to be under the lights but there were no signs of infection. There would be no changes for at least a few days on his medication or tube feeding schedule as he adjusted to his new environment.
Later in the morning the nurse came by and asked if I'd like to hold my little guy. I had been too shy to ask, but of course I was dying to hold him. In the previous NICU I had held him kangaroo style (no clothing, chest to chest) for over an hour the last 2 days he was there which had been such a great bonding experience.
The nurse then wrapped my baby up in several layers and handed him gently to me. She told me that I could hold him 10-15 minutes and that would be good for the day. Maybe the following day I could hold him that amount of time as well. I stared at her in disbelief as this was completely different than what I had been exposed to at the other NICU, and contradicted what the pediatrician had told me the day before. The nurse left and I tried to enjoy holding my tightly packaged little man while tears welled up in my eyes. Ten minutes later she came back and asked if I was done holding him. I quietly requested some more time, so she gave me another 5 minutes. I was heartbroken.
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